There is no one right or wrong way to do this but the methods suggested here are gleaned from contributors' experiences. Losing contact with your child's father is not uncommon when relationships end, for such reasons as not wanting to keep in touch, the father disappeared, or there were issues of safety and security at stake. Whatever the reason, if you wish to come into contact again with a long lost father, this article will be a good starting point for you.
Steps
1
Don't assume the other parent doesn't care. As discussed above, there can be any number of reasons as to why your father isn't or wasn't around. It doesn't automatically mean that your father isn't interested in meeting up with you now.
Don't assume the other parent doesn't care. As discussed above, there can be any number of reasons as to why your father isn't or wasn't around. It doesn't automatically mean that your father isn't interested in meeting up with you now.
2
Do research and pick a good time to try and come into contact again with your father. A good time to choose can include an important event in your life. For example, if you're graduating from college, this makes for a great excuse to send an announcement of the occasion to your father accompanied by a note asking him to attend. Such an occasion is a proud moment for him to be a part of also.
Do research and pick a good time to try and come into contact again with your father. A good time to choose can include an important event in your life. For example, if you're graduating from college, this makes for a great excuse to send an announcement of the occasion to your father accompanied by a note asking him to attend. Such an occasion is a proud moment for him to be a part of also.
3
Send some details. When you send your first request to meet up, consider also sending a recent photo and your various forms of contact information including phone numbers, snail and email addresses, Skype number, even a Facebook URL!
Send some details. When you send your first request to meet up, consider also sending a recent photo and your various forms of contact information including phone numbers, snail and email addresses, Skype number, even a Facebook URL!
4
Try to be patient. Let your father call/write you and arrange the place and time to meet.
Try to be patient. Let your father call/write you and arrange the place and time to meet.
5
Respect the fact that your father may have never told all of his relatives and friends. In some cases, even the father's mother and sisters had not been told!
Respect the fact that your father may have never told all of his relatives and friends. In some cases, even the father's mother and sisters had not been told!
6
Take it slow. It can take a long time for your father to come around to wanting to meet you. Other things might have to happen to trigger his desire to meet up, such as births, deaths, marriages, and illnesses. Things happen to change peoples' mind.
Take it slow. It can take a long time for your father to come around to wanting to meet you. Other things might have to happen to trigger his desire to meet up, such as births, deaths, marriages, and illnesses. Things happen to change peoples' mind.
7
Look for continuity. After all is said and done, a long term relationship is what you really want. When you share physical and personality traits it becomes easier to share lives.
Look for continuity. After all is said and done, a long term relationship is what you really want. When you share physical and personality traits it becomes easier to share lives.
8
Don't assume things don't change, if the first time doesn't work. Keep trying. It can take time to get to know one another and to feel comfortable around each other. Your father may feel guilt, embarrassment, and fear at what you're thinking and feeling.
9
Don't neglect your childhood family. It's perfectly natural to want to seek out a biological birth parent; equally, it's important to keep maintaining the good family relationships that you already have by reassuring them of their treasured place in your heart still. And don't assume unrelated fathers cannot be better fathers than the biological father you're seeking, especially since they have been a part of your mother's life. You might be in for a very rude shock if you compare apples and pears – everyone is unique and it's important to look for their good points.
Don't assume things don't change, if the first time doesn't work. Keep trying. It can take time to get to know one another and to feel comfortable around each other. Your father may feel guilt, embarrassment, and fear at what you're thinking and feeling.
9
Don't neglect your childhood family. It's perfectly natural to want to seek out a biological birth parent; equally, it's important to keep maintaining the good family relationships that you already have by reassuring them of their treasured place in your heart still. And don't assume unrelated fathers cannot be better fathers than the biological father you're seeking, especially since they have been a part of your mother's life. You might be in for a very rude shock if you compare apples and pears – everyone is unique and it's important to look for their good points.
