На информационном ресурсе применяются рекомендательные технологии (информационные технологии предоставления информации на основе сбора, систематизации и анализа сведений, относящихся к предпочтениям пользователей сети "Интернет", находящихся на территории Российской Федерации)

Family Psychology

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The simplicity {and significance} of saying I love you

 

I think we underestimate the power our words have.

 Over and over again in songs and in blog posts and in People Magazine articles about celebs who call it quits, we see the phrase, “They were only words.”

 Only words.

 In everything there is a small shred of reality and even in this, there is truth. We can speak words and they can mean nothing. Or we can speak words and they can mean everything.

 We can throw around words like they are as light as feathers shed from birds or we can wield them with power and confidence because, I am coming to believe, they can have more significance than we know.

 And for our spouses {and the ones closest to us} the words “I love you,” however basic, mean quite a bit.

 Simply, I love you.

 Maybe we say it a lot. Or maybe we don’t say it very often. But, even though it seems fundamental, it is important.

 For the last six months, I have been trying to communicate this to my husband every day in written form. I’ve written notes, I’ve texted and I’ve sent emails. I’ve simply returned to saying “I love you” as often as I can. It is, in seventeen years of marriage, the most simple thing I have found that has actually changed us as a couple.

 Over the past months I’ve learned a few things:

 “I love you” is a little like “I’m sorry.”

 Not that love is an apology, but this is what I mean: A frustrated or exasperated “I’m sorry” carries no weight to the person hearing the words. But a heartfelt “I’m truly sorry” said with intention and importance can mean the world.

 The same is true of “I love you.” We can throw it around, sure. Or we can make eye contact, or heart-soul contact and say, “I love you today. More than I did yesterday.” And that kind of “I love you” can change a life.

 I’ve said “I love you” even when I don’t feel like it, and that’s okay.

 I love my husband even when I don’t “feel” big, romantic love for him. That’s what being married is. It’s the truth of a deep, cultivated love even when the silly, bubbly feelings aren’t close to the surface.

 Saying “I love you” even when I’m not feeling it today is okay, and more than okay, it’s good, because it’s still true. It tells you that that love is true even when it doesn’t feel good and it tells your spouse the same thing.

 Saying “I love you” with intention can change the way your spouse feels about him or herself.

 Again, I know it sounds a little fundamental, but when people hear over and over again that they are loved, valued and noticed, it can change their whole view of themselves. It can make them feel more important if they were feeling undervalued, and feel seen if they were feeling like they didn’t matter. Don’t underestimate how powerful this can be in someone’s life.

 When we say “I love you” it takes the focus away from us and puts it on our spouse.

 Anything in our relationships that help us to be a little less selfish and a little more other-focused is good. Even if it’s in a very small way, an “I love you” tells your spouse that you are thinking of him and that you are focused on something other than yourself.

 Our words are powerful. They are not “only words.”

 Perhaps some of the most powerful words are three very small, but meaningful ones: I love you.

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